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+ Recognizing Domestic Violence

If you are concerned that someone you care about is experiencing abuse, look for these warning signs, as described by the National Domestic Violence Hotline (En Español)

• Their partner puts them down in front of other people

• They are constantly worried about making their partner angry

• They make excuses for their partner’s behavior

• Their partner is extremely jealous or possessive

• They have unexplained marks or injuries

• They’ve stopped spending time with friends and family

• They are depressed or anxious, or you notice changes in their personality

If you think you’ve witnessed an abusive situation, walk through these questions to reflect on what you have noticed. It will take about 15-minutes to complete and at the end, you’ll receive situation-specific videos that will give you ideas, words, and tools to make a difference and show that you care.

“Why Don’t They Just Leave?”

As an ally, it can be frustrating to see a loved one in an abusive relationship that they refuse to leave. However, as the StrongHearts Native Helpline summarizes, “Leaving is often the most dangerous time for a victim of abuse, because abuse is about power and control. When a victim leaves, they are taking control and threatening the abusive partner’s power, which could cause the abusive partner to retaliate in very destructive or dangerous ways.” Therefore, it’s very important for you to practice patience. There are many reasons why a person may continue to stay in an abusive relationship. It is up to you to try and support them, regardless of where they are in their process.

+ Intersection Between Race and Domestic Violence

Domestic violence affects people of all races. However, communities of color are especially affected by domestic violence and statistically harmed at higher rates compared to other groups. Below are resources and organizations that provide tailored information to combat this issue.

• Introduction: How Domestic Violence Affects Communities of Color
• The History of Sexual Violence Against Black Women
• How Domestic Violence Criminalizes Women of Color , especially Black Women

There are also organizations you can support that are alreadu doing incredible work to combat domestic violence in these communities.

• Survived and Punished : A national coalition committed to decriminalizing efforts to survive domestic violence and supporting survivors. You can find out more information from their toolkit , which has tools, tips, and lessons developed from survivors’ experiences.
• INCITE! : A network of radical feminists of color who organize around the goal of ending violence within the state, their homes, and communities

+ Helping During COVID-19

The COVID-19 pandemic can make it harder for us to support our loved ones who are experiencing domestic violence. Social isolation makes domestic violence harder to address and even identify. Even so, as allies there are still many highly effective ways to help our friends in need and show them we care.

It may be more difficult for you, as an ally, to spot abuse during COVID-19. If you are unsure, use this resource

• to spot additional signs that suggest that someone is experiencing domestic abuse.

As advised by Futures Without Violence , you can

• Send Basic Necessities
  • Offer to drop off food or cleaning supplies
  • Send takeout or grocery gift cards
  • Share resources, like local food bank hours or transportation programs
• Provide Virtual Respite
  • Read their children a story over FaceTime for 30 minutes
  • Teach their older children how to cook a meal
  • Find virtual community entertainment programs for children, like a library story time
• Let Them Know You’re There
  • Send them texts or hand written letters reminding them how strong they are
  • Call to see how they are doing
  • Help them develop a safety plan
• Give them resources to the National Domestic Violence Hotline ( 1-800- 799-SAFE)

If you’re looking for additional resources, check out this helpful infographic for more tips to help a friend experiencing domestic abuse during COVID-19.

NOTE: The emergency numbers listed are NOT functional in the U.S.

+ More Guidance for Supporting Survivors

As allies, it is very important to recognize that not all survivors are the same. Each person needs a unique set of resources, support, and community guidance as they experience domestic abuse. Below are a list of resources to help in specific situations.

• What NOT to Do*: A General Guide for Families, Friends, and Neighbors

• How to Respond to Assault When It’s Occurring: When Do I Intervene?

• Should I Call the Police?

• Supporting LGBTQ Survivors

• Ways to Help an Elder: Experiencing Abuse Later in Life

• A Guide For Native Americans In an Abusive Relationship

• Man to Man: Helping Men Experiencing Domestic Violence

Additional Resources:

- How to Talk to Survivors

- Eight Steps to Supporting Survivors of Domestic Violence

- 10 ways to Help a Friend or Family Member (En Español)

NOTE: The emergency numbers listed are not functional in the U.S.

+ Self Care

Supporting someone through such a difficult and emotional time is not an easy task. As an ally, it is important to recognize your limits, ensure your own safety, and practice self-care.

• Loveisrespect: What Is Self-Care?
• Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network: Self-Care for Friends and Family
• VAWnet of the National Resource Center for Domestic Violence: #Care4Advocates
• Indiana Coalition against Domestic Violence: Self-Cares Ideas
• See The Triumph: Self-Care Blog for Survivors and Allies

+ Other Ways to Help Survivors

Stay Informed

• Stay informed about COVID-19 and domestic violence.
• Attend our Seminar Series at 3pm ET/ 12pm PT
• Work on building healthy relationships in your own life.

Contribute Directly

• Contribute your experience to our citizen survey
• Donate directly to one our on-the-ground initiatives.
• Share our content and campaigns on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

Get More Involved

• Talk to young people about teen dating violence.
• Ensure policy makers consider the issues facing survivors of domestic violence during COVID-19. Sign our petition to congress.
• Help us research and consolidate domestic violence resources and organizational information relevant to your area.